January 2006 might go down in poker history as the first month when there were more poker tournaments than players. The Aussie Millions in Melbourne, the Gold Strike World Poker Open in Tunica, the L.A. Poker Classic in Los Angeles, the WPT Borgata Winter Poker Open in Atlantic City and the EPT Scandinavian Open in Copenhagen are just a few of the bigger ones. The overloaded tournament agenda is beginning to take it's toll among poker professionals, and many suffer from a new disease called chronic poker induced desynchronosis.
According to Dr. D. Holliday from Tombstone, Arizona, a dentist who found a new career as a poker doctor, "many poker professionals are complaining about headaches, dehydration, decreased awareness and a lack of motivation, symptoms commonly associated with desynchronosis or circadian dischronism, more popularly known as jet lag."
The famous Las Vegas physician Dr. W. Ho, who specializes in the treatment of chronic poker and gambling related disorders, added: "Desynchronosis or jet lag normally is a temporary condition, and in the majority of cases the biological clock will adjust to the new rhythm after a one-week period." The renowned doctor continued however with "around 10 percent of the poker professionals suffer from a form of chronic desynchronosis [...] which can only be cured if they cut back on the constant flying they do between poker tournaments."
Both Holliday and Ho are calling for an immediate moratorium on all poker tournaments in order to protect the health of their clients, as well as the interest from the public. Poker professionals are already very sensible to stress due to the complicated mental arithmetic they have to perform at the poker table, and both men were convinced that it would be only a matter of time until the first fatal casualties of chronic poker induced desynchronosis would be reported.
Mr. Ho didn't want to give us any names of poker pros who were affected by the new disease for privacy reasons, but when leaving his office we thought we recognized a few faces. One was wearing his sunglasses upside-down and another wore a baseball cap with the words "poker brat" imprinted on it.
We'll conclude this distressing news report with a short overview of the various high profile poker tournaments that are currently running or just finished:
Aussie Millions, Crown Casino, Melbourne, Australia
The Aussie Millions is the biggest poker tournament running outside
the U.S. with a prize pool of over $5 million dollars. The tournament
finished this Thursday in a very hot Melbourne. Though many poker pros
attended the event, including the Australian 2005 WSoP champion Joe
Hachem, the final table only featured players that were not very well
known. In the end Lee Nelson, a retired doctor from Auckland, New Zealand,
pocketed the $1.4 million first prize.
More info
EPT Scandinavian Open, Casino Copenhagen, Denmark
The EPT Scandinavian Open is hosted by the Casino Copenhagen in Denmark. It's a four-day tourney that started on January 19th and lasts until today, January 22nd. At the time of writing there are five players left at the final table. If you're interested in the end results, check the official PokerStars blog, which is doing live blogging updates from the tourney. No poker celebs at the final table here either. The 2005 WSoP champion Joe Hachem flew in directly from the Aussie Millions, and was eliminated on Day 1 of the event. So was 2003 WSoP champion Chris Moneymaker and Isabelle Mercier, the WPT's women's champ.
Gold Strike World Poker Open, Tunica, Mississippi
The Gold Strike Casino Resort is the exclusive destination for WPT's annual stop in Tunica at the World Poker Open. The Gold Strike WPO is scheduled from January 19th to 23rd. The tournament attracted 327 entrants this year, down from 512 last year. According to CardPlayer Magazine this is mainly due to a serious overloaded poker tournament agenda, and not "a sign of the long-predicted poker apocalypse." Read more reports from the tourney at CardPlayer Magazine.
L.A. Poker Classic, Commerce Casino, Los Angeles
The Commerce Casino is hosting the L.A. Poker Classic between January
24 and February 21, followed directly by the WPT Invitational from February
22nd until February 24th. Both tournaments will be filmed for World
Poker Tour's Season IV which will start airing on the Travel Channel
in March.
More info
WPT Borgata Winter Poker Open, Borgata Casino, Atlantic City
The WPT Borgata Winter Poker Open started this Friday. The tournament
offers ten No Limit and Limit Texas Holdem events, culminating in the
final WPT championship event on Sunday, January 29th. The winner of
the $10,000 buy-in WPT main event walks home with an estimated $1 million
first prize, a Cadillac Escalade and a $25,000 seat into the WPT's World
Championship.
More info
Please note: parts of this news item might or might not be fictional.